Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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