Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
