toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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