I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
