We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
