Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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