When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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