fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
