He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
