Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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