We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
