So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
