i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
