I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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