I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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