this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You dont lie about slip and slides
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
