am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
