he puts the penis in happiness.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
