I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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