I wish I could teleport
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
