omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
