this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
