What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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