so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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