did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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