ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
