When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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