Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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