good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
