This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
