Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
