umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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