New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
