dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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