i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Small penises have feelings too.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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