Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
