alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
