Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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