playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
