I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
