And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish i was in the wii world.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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