I wish I could punch you in the face.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
