Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
a search helicopter?!
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
