Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
