I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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