If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
