It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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