Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
