PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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