It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
