oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
