Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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