I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
40s are totally the cure
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize