We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
