I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
