well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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