What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
