I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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