my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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