Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
