I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
