The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
