I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
