I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
love makes seman taste better
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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