when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
