A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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