Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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