She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
