i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
