I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just found puke in my bra..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
