I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
