Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
