My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
