It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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