He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
