My nipple is on Facebook.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
