My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
