OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
