$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
