one might say we're banned from that church
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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