Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
