tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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