I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
