I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
